【一翦梅】

秋靈

<font size="3"><font face="新細明體"><span lang="ZH-CN" style="COLOR: #ff6600; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;"><p><span lang="ZH-CN" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">【</span><b><span lang="ZH-CN" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: 標楷體; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-hansi-font-family: 標楷體;">一翦梅</span></b><span lang="ZH-CN" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">】</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: teal;"><p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="ZH-CN" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="Times New Roman">若许清寒苦未休。</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;"><br/></span><span lang="ZH-CN" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="Times New Roman">揖谢残英。一夜听秋。</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;"><br/></span><span lang="ZH-CN" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="Times New Roman">遗尘红泪怜相识。总是伤心不我由。</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;"><br/><br/></span><span lang="ZH-CN" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="Times New Roman">几度梦醒梦在眸。</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;"><br/></span><span lang="ZH-CN" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="Times New Roman">嗔痴尘芥。无愧风流。</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;"><br/></span><span lang="ZH-CN" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: SimSun; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="Times New Roman">萤窗影动岂关风。朝探啾啾。夜踱悠悠。</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: teal; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;"><p></p></span></p><p></p></span></font></font>

鄱湖渔歌

大约填词是女同胞的专利了.呵呵

仰斋

上篇更好，只不我由生硬，还是用不自由吧。

卷葹

<p>附和仰老意见。</p><p>小令语言主清新流畅，富有情韵。故上片更好。</p><p>惟“若许”，有如许、这般之义，又有“如果能使”之义，故不如直接用“如许”为妥。“遗尘”亦费解。</p>

秋靈

<p>感謝二位前輩點評！</p><p>二位高見末學將會參酌。^__^</p>